Spoiled Rotten

It is abnormally cold this morning. I let my cat out before going to work and she immediately wanted to get back inside of the house. I shooed her back out, got my things together and jumped in the car to go to work. My car showed it was 20 degrees Fahrenheit (-6.6 degrees Celsius), which stopped me in my tracks. I stopped the car and went back inside to let the cat back in the house. No wonder she wanted to get back in! It is freezing! I then went to my daughter to see if she wanted me to give her a ride to the bus stop since it is so cold and what do I find her wearing? A thin top layered on top of another thin top with her pajama bottoms and flip flops. Let's not forget to mention she was painting her toes black as I walked in her room. Right now in our area teenagers are wearing pajama bottoms to school. The pajama bottoms are the long wooly-type pants. My daughter has never done this before, but I just bought her a new set of pj's and now she's wearing them to school.

My first reaction was to tell her to change clothes. I then decided to approach it from a different angle and told her that it is 20 degrees outside and she's going to freeze. That didn't perturb her one bit. She said that it would be no problem and she would be OK. I then wanted to tell her to change clothes and then she said that just in case she had a pair of jeans in her bag to take to school. My mind then went to war going back and forth between should I tell her to change clothes or not and then I realized, her body isn't hanging out, everything is covered appropriately, I may not want her to wear pajama bottoms to school, but all the kids are doing it and if this is the one fashion she wants to copy from the other teens, it's not a bad one. So, I bit my tongue and asked her if she wanted a ride. I have to admit that since the pajama bottoms are cute, she did look quite stylish. It will be fun when she gets older and I can pick on her about this and tell her children when they complain to me that their Mom won't let them wear what they want. In fact, I'm going to take a picture of her when I get home for evidence in future years.

I rode the elevator after getting to work with a lady who is a cleaner in my office. She is a young girl and we talked about how cold it is outside. She told me that she literally ran to work because it was so cold. I asked if she liked running and she said that she didn't have a choice because she doesn't have a car. Hearing this just stopped me in my tracks. I live in an area where there are no public modes of transportation and you really need a car to get around, which is why I thought she enjoyed running because I couldn't imagine she would walk to work. People just don't do that here. As I walked to my desk I realized how lucky I am and how grateful I should be.

Here I am with a thick coat, perfumed neck, nails done, nice purse, walking to my desk because I have a job. I drove to work in a car that not only displayed the temperature outside, but heated my butt as I drove because it has seat warmers. I left a house that is warm enough that my cat wanted to get back inside, with beautiful mosaic floors my husband made and a bedroom that my husband worked on that was considered beautiful enough to be in a magazine. My house has a pool, two sweet dogs, three bedrooms and two baths. There is even one bedroom we don't use because we don't need it. My husband has a studio that is 800 square feet and is part of the house that he can work in at his leisure. Thinking about all of this really made me realize something (and please excuse my language):

I need to shut the fuck up and quit whining about whether I get this job or not and whether it's 8K less or not.

I just need to be quiet.

I am damn lucky in my life.

Why does it take seeing a girl who has a more difficult life to snap myself out of this negativity concerning this job? I have been whining like a broken record and I need to just STOP IT. I recently heard that 100,000 jobs were lost just this past week in the US. Two million have been cut since January. Yesterday I also heard that they are going to be laying off people here at work. In fact, most of the contractors will be gone by April or May. That means in this small area a lot of people will be looking for work and the local market will be congested with people looking for a job. At least, AT LEAST I have something in the works. AT LEAST there is a company that wants me to work for them and we only have to go through this legality of my contract company. AT LEAST this company has experienced no negative effects from this upside-down economy and if anything, gave their employees a bonus of 5K or more just a few weeks ago! That is unheard of in these times!

So I just need to shut up! I am SPOILED AS SHIT! What a whiner I am! I do apologize. I'm glad I came to my senses. It is about damn time.

Lost in Space

For the past two days I've been working on my English and Statistics classes. The English class focuses on business communication such as how to tactfully tell an employee that their body odor is grossing everybody out in the office to how to fire someone, how to tell someone that their qualifications suck and there is no room in the company for dweebs like you...etc, etc. You say it all in a professional way, of course.

UGH

First of all, when I read in the book "Find another way to say "Your body odor is offensive", I sit there for a minute and think..."Would anyone actually say that to a person anyway?...I mean, does this actually need to be taught??" Then I sit there and have to come up with a more professional way to say it and what I come up with is GRADED.

Sheesh.

Concerning statistics, I feel better about it all. I completed all of my homework finally and doing the homework made me actually feel a little confident. I understand and can do standard deviations, finding the mean, mode, median, range, class boundaries, class width, finding the cumulative frequency of a frequency distribution, what the empirical rules are and what Chebyshev's rule is. I am actually understanding it all now and can complete the work. *whew*

The question is if I can do well on the test that I have to take online this week. The test is due by this Sunday night. I have to work tomorrow through Sunday for 12 hours a day and I hope like hell that I can squeeze in who knows how much time it will take to complete the test. The professor said that it's approximately 30 questions. We shall see about that...

Then on Monday I go to work and back to school to take the mid-term that has about that many questions. And then I will fall to pieces to the floor in exhaustion.

I'm tired. I have so much on my mind that I want to share here. I want to really tell it like it is, but the problem I have is that I don't know where to start. I am so sick of so many things and I don't know where to begin.

I need help. I can't even help myself now.

I Guess That's IT!

I'm out...

I tried...

I REALLY DID!

I wasn't able to post yesterday. I was at work until 1:00am. I did homework until 4:00am. Then I worked all day today until midnight and tomorrow I go back to work again to work another 12 hours.

I dedicated myself to Blog365.

I guess I'm out now.

*sigh*...It's only January and I've already failed!

No Time To Breathe

I have had no time today to do what I've wanted....not even enough time to post what I want here in this blog.

*sigh*

Praying to the Porcelain Gods

I was at home again today. Last night my bed was the toilet and I was sick as a dog. I started feeling better last night until after eating dinner. I didn't eat much, but it was enough to make me ill all over again.



I'll be working all weekend to make up the time. Ugh...

Plans Don't Always Work the Way You Want

Went to work Saturday. I was very happy because I took my toy poodle named HoneyBunny. She has recently been groomed and is just gorgeous. She has a little bobble in the top knot of her hair that is a dark green and dark red bow. She also is wearing her dark green sweater to match. I'll take pics when I can and post them. She laid on my lap the entire time and napped. I just loved it. That is one reason (out of many) why I would love to work for Google. You can take your dog to work every day there.

Saturday night I was able to visit other's blogs and post an entry of my own! Sunday I worked on my paper and was ready to put up the Christmas tree. It didn't happen.

I have been talking about putting up the tree for DAYS now. It was an event that I wanted my family and I to sip eggnog, listen to Christmas music and decorate together. My husband went to the store to get eggnog and I waited for him to get home. Thirty minutes later I receive a call from him. He got the eggnog; however, he wasn't on his way home! He decided to visit his sister. I was incredulous. I said, "You aren't coming home? I thought we were going to put the tree up." He said, "I'll be home later. What's the problem?"

Ummm...

I don't even need to go further.

He arrived home at 7:00pm. It was too late by then. I very nicely said, "I understand if you don't want to put the tree up if you don't feel like it. Please, next time just let me know and I won't be here waiting and thinking that is what we are going to do." He said, "I got home at 7:00! We could have put it up". I reminded him that the day before I told him I wanted to start decorating around 4:00pm to 5:00pm because it takes a while and I wanted it to be done by 7:00pm. A little later than that would have been fine, but I wanted to put a stake in the ground that we wouldn't go over so that we wouldn't be up all night decorating when we had work and school the next day.

He said, "I don't know what the big deal is. We could have done it."

Ummm...

I don't even need to go further.

He said that he will go ahead and get the tree ready. It is a fake tree with prelit lights. He said that he would set it up and we'll do it tonight when I get home from work. He reminded me that he's not from here and that he doesn't even get excited about holidays in his own country. I told him that if he did get excited and wanted to celebrate holidays in his country that it would be fine with me and fun. All he needs to do is say the word. He said he didn't want to. I told him that just because he doesn't celebrate in his own country doesn't mean that we shouldn't celebrate here. I reminded him that he is now with two people who celebrate Christmas and that we want him to be involved as well. I told him that it's not always about him.

He agreed.

Well, then. I guess we'll decorate tonight.

At least I hope so.

Agitated....

First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone that spent the time to put a comment on my blog. It means more than you all know and I appreciate you.

On another note, I cannot believe how agitated and frustrated I am tonight. I feel like I will just spring out of my body and scream until my throat is raw and bloody. I don't know what my problem is and just the fact that I am agitated makes me more frustrated.

I love my daughter dearly. She is 14 years old and in the ninth grade. Lately she is driving me nuts with her lack of wanting to do anything around the house or anything period. She just wants to do what she wants and doesn't appear to care. She is also going through an arguing stage and even when I tell her to stop arguing she tells me that she isn't! I realize that all of this is completely normal for her age, but it is driving me crazy.

When she started the ninth grade, I wanted her to start disciplining herself more and so I didn't give her a bedtime. I was hoping that she would be able to discipline herself to get the rest that she needed. We had a family talk about it and the condition of not having a bedtime was that she had to get herself up in the morning, ready for school and to the bus on time. She also had to get her responsibilities done in the morning, which was to feed the cats and dog and give them fresh water.

From the very start she didn't do a very good job of it all. It even got to the point that she wasn't doing her responsibilities and was so tired in the morning that she wasn't able to even get up. She would turn her alarm off and go back to sleep. I kept giving her chances and kept discussing with her how she can discipline herself. Nothing worked. So, I had to give her a bedtime of 10:00pm on school nights. I was actually quite disappointed because I really want her to start taking responsibility for herself. She only has four years left and then she starts college.

At times I feel like I am trying to cram everything I think she needs to know and do in these last four years.

With that background, I hope that it is understandable that I was exasperated with her tonight because it was 10:00pm and she had not taken a shower or done the things she was supposed to do and was still watching television at 10:02pm! I asked her what the problem was and she said that she didn't have a problem. I asked her if she realized the time and she said that she did, but wanted to watch television. That really got me. I told her that in the future if she wants to stay up later, instead of blatantly ignoring the rules, to talk with me about it. I said that sometimes I will let her stay up later and sometimes I won't, but that the important thing is to communicate. She said, "OK" and we'll see.

That isn't the only thing frustrating me at this point. My husband is frustrating me because I feel like he doesn't appreciate me and he yells any time he wants to blow off his frustration. It hurts my feelings when he does this. It also makes me angry and resentful because it seems to be not allowed if I am frustrated, but it's fine if he is frustrated. He is also too rough at times and when he's playing he physically hurts me sometimes. Not majorly, but it does hurt. When I tell him to stop sometimes he doesn't and that makes me feel like he completely disrespects me. Sometimes he does stop, but he never apologizes. Sometimes, like tonight, he just gets mad. I asked him to come back and he gave me the finger and walked out of the room. That was 15 minutes ago and now the TV is blaring.

I'm not trying to make him out to be a monster. He isn't. He is actually a very passionate person and cares a lot. Just sometimes it doesn't show and I am just frustrated by the constant drama.

Even if my daughter and husband weren't driving me crazy tonight I would still feel frustrated. It's something inside of me that I can't figure out the source and can't fix.

Wow, I just realized that I used some form of the word “frustrated” eight times. I hope tomorrow is better.