Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I am back from the dead. The following are a few things that have been going on:

  • Depression
  • Trying to Get Up and Function like Brushing Teeth and Taking a Shower
  • Depression
  • Thanksgiving Holidays
  • Depression
  • Cleaning House
  • Depression
  • Washing Clothes
  • Depression
  • Taking my Daughter to Appointments
  • Depression
  • Working
  • Depression
  • Schoolwork
  • Depression
  • Working on my Final Draft
  • And did I mention Depression?
I received a 94 on the first draft of the research paper I am writing. I was pleased because I thought the grade would be abominable. The professor gave good constructive criticism and I have been working on finalizing it. The final draft is due a week from today.

Only two and a half weeks of school are left and I am so grateful. I hope to push through with A's. I don't want the 4.0 GPA to falter. Ugh, I put myself under too much pressure. I mean, who will really give a damn later if I have a 4.0 GPA or not other than myself? Absolutely NO ONE will EVER ask.

I don't look forward to next quarter starting in January. I will have to take Statistics...UGH UGH UGH!! God help me with this.

I haven't been online much at all. I am so far behind in blogging, reading other's blogs, commenting on other's blogs, responding to the kind people who have commented on my blog and catching up with e-mail. I opened my e-mail and wow'ed at the number of mails. Oh yes, and I need to visit BlogCatalog as well. Try BlogCatalog if you haven't already. It is very cool.

My depression has been debilitating. I am at work now and must catch up. I will be working late into the night each night this week as well as this weekend. I am at work now, actually. It's 7:05pm and I'm taking a small break. Thank God I can e-mail this to my blog so that it will post. If not, I don't know when I would be able to post.

Well, I am saying much ado about absolutely nothing. I can't express how I feel. I am getting better because I am at work. I am at least functioning. The heavy blanket is still wrapped tight, but at least I am able to breathe. I am grateful for that.

I am also grateful to everyone who reads this blog of meandering thoughts and also the wonderful people who have left such wonderful comments. Thinking about you all brings tears to my eyes. Isn't it ironic how we can pour out everything we are thinking or feeling to complete strangers in our blogs and receive the best feedback? I am not able to tell anyone in my "real" life. I do not have friends, anyway. I certainly don't tell my parents because they will become too concerned and will also judge. It isn't beneficial to anyone.

I just want to say "THANK YOU!!" again to everyone. As soon as I can I will reply to the wonderful comments people have left here.

As soon as I can I will also catch up with everyone else's blog! I cannot, CANNOT imagine how far behind I am with Linda's blog! :) She writes like crazy and it's GREAT stuff. Get over there if you haven't already.

By the way, my husband is home. He got home last night. It was very late when we got back from the airport (approximately 1:00am) and I had to work today so I have hardly seen him.

I guess that it's it. I just wanted whoever reads this to know that I haven't off'ed myself somewhere though I really did think about it for awhile. Don't worry, I won't do it. If I haven't done it already I don't see myself doing that in the future. I really want to get through this. I really want to live. I really want to look back at all of this and feel proud of myself for what I have accomplished and overcome. (My gawd…writing that makes me cry. Isn't that silly? I hate, abhor and detest depression!! Thank God no one is here at work now.)

I'll be blogging again soon…


Anonymous said...

Glad you are back...
And guess what...I'm doing a stats module this year too. And guess what... I can't count!
I keep opening the book and having head staggers as they say here. Then I close the book again and wonder if I will ever need a stats module for ANYTHING in my life! EVER! And I doubt it...
So, in short, you have my sympathy!

Anonymous said...

Good to see you back.

94 for your your research paper - you star pupil.

Oh, you are good that you at least brushed your teeth and having a shower in between it all. That can be so hard to look after ones self when on a downer.

Talk soon.

Really pleased you managed to pick up enough to do a post.

Anonymous said...

Good to see you back *hugs* So sorry you've been feeling that low.

Congratulations on the 94 for your paper and best of luck with the final draft and grade.

Hope the hubby is behaving himself!

Best Wishes,

Anonymous said...

woohoo...a 94 nice job...who cares if you lust a's your damn work!IT should matter to you more than anyone. Glad to see you post I thought I was going to have to leave another harassing comment.muwhahahaha. Baby steps steps.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you back here - I was a bit worried, well more than a bit. 94 huh? I don't think I know how it feels to get a 94. Great Going!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You're quite a perfectionist. I would take a 3.99 GPA, with less work, over a 4.0 any day. Anyway, I hope you keep your 4.0 GPA and also recover from your depression. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Anonymous said...

I think the comment I left didn't get in. of course, you can delete this if I'm wrong. :D

Anyway, I said I'm so SO so happy to hear from you! And you get your huge hug back! :D

And it isn't silly that what you said made you cry. We all get emotional about things that look unconquerable.

I'm glad you had a good draft, and so glad you're catching up on everything. Though I do have to say that yes, the 4.0 hanging over your head must stress you out. I do understand about wanting to do your best though.

Oh, and I'm taking Statistics now! It's actually fun (I hear it's fun at first then more grueling as the subject continues). Our professor's first words were very intimidating though: "Nobody in the history of this department has ever failed this subject. Don't you dare break the record and start now." LOL.

I'm also pretty behind on everything (and yes, that includes reading Linda's blog haha). Keep happy and keep improving! :) Take a lot of care!

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