I wrote the following this past Wednesday at work. I can't sign into Blogger to post from work so I e-mailed it to myself and am just now getting a chance to paste it below.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I feel another wave of desolation and hopelessness wash over my soul. I sit here at work and can't even concentrate on the task at hand because I feel the descent down the spiral of depression mentally, emotionally and physically. About thirty minutes ago I was talking with two friends at work and for no reason whatsoever wanted to cry. I even had to excuse myself because the feeling was so overwhelming. I sat down at my desk and felt my body descending to the void and got caught up with the feeling for a few minutes without even realizing.
All of a sudden I felt a cramp and realized...my monthly friend is about to visit! That is what is going on! I felt relieved a bit because there was an explanation for this sudden mood change.
Now I sit here and ask why it has to be this way. I feel very ignorant because this happens every time right before my period and I don't immediately think to myself that it's not the depression but the period itself. Then when I feel the cramping it then dawns on me what's going on. When I get caught up in that fast descent into the pits of Hell I am so stuck in that moment that I don't even rationalize or think about it. It is just pure emotion. I feel like this:
Now realizing my monthly friend is about to make her lovely appearance I feel better now.
On another note...why do we call it our "monthly friend"? Is it a she or he or it? If it's a she, is she really our friend? I hate the word "period" as well, so what's a better word to use? For my international readers, what do ya'll call it?
And on another note, is our period really that necessary? Why couldn't we be like a man with eggs swimming around instead of sperm with no side effects? Why do we pay every month for having the ability of producing babies? Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to have had my daughter and wouldn't trade it for the world, but I was in labor for 22 hours and it ended with an emergency c-section, an internal infection and a fever of 104 degrees Fahrenheit. At one point I had a contraction for five minutes and a nurse had to rush in and give me a shot to stop the contraction only to then have another shot to start the contractions all over again. I even experienced what my Momma calls "Twilight Sleep" because I would be asleep from being so exhausted, wake up while having a painful as hell contraction only to immediately fall asleep as soon as the contraction was over. I didn't even know my name during that part of the labor.
Wow, I feel even better already writing about this. I hate my "monthly friend", "monthly cycle", "period" or whatever you want to call it. It rules my life every month.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is now Saturday and I feel much better now. My period is almost over and the pain is gone.
I am soooo behind in my schoolwork. I haven't had a chance to blog much or even read my favorite blogs and leave a comment. I will do that as soon as I can catch up with school.
Oh, and by the way. I've gained six more pounds. I think I should have a goal to gain weight and I would most definitely make it. Sheesh...
