Sunday, March 30, 2008

I am SOOOO Gullible

My mother told me something when I was ten years old. We were visiting her biological mother (long story of why I am calling her "biological") in Virginia. One day during the trip my Mom pointed out the car window and said, "Do you see those cows on that big hill?" I looked and said, "Yes". She then said, "How do those cows walk around that big hill when one set of their feet are longer than the ones on the other side?"

I had to sit and look and think about that. It was obvious that these cows wanted to get to the top of the hill and it didn't look very easy to do because of their obvious impediment of one half of their legs being longer than the other side. Momma then said that they must walk around and around the mountains in order to get to the top of the mountain and wasn't it just a shame that they couldn't just walk up or down the hill like everyone else.

I completely believed my parents for YEARS and thought that mountain cows and goats had smaller legs on one side of their bodies that they used to go around hills and mountains because they couldn't go up them.

When really, the cows and goats have fine standing bones to cavort around in and really I am the twerp with the misconception. My mother got such a laugh and thrill telling everyone how I believed those long years ago that I thought their legs were shorter and then everyone would call me "gullible", "naive", "green behind the ears", and any type of expression they could find.

On another note, I have been experiencing great difficulty sleeping lately once again. I just popped an Ambien to help me rest prior to laying down with my laptop to try and say .... something..... anything.

Writing with Ambien is quite difficult and at the same time quite nice because I don't have the normal fear of who will read what. I found out that one person found my blog that I never expected would (and you know who you are). It really freaks me out because this blog is a place I can say anything on my mind and feel the freedom while doing it. I don't feel as free anymore. I feel I have to censor certain things, which doesn't go along with the life and intent of this blog.

I don't feel as comfortable blogging because of it.

I have actually thought about deleting this blog and starting anew somewhere else where no one will know me. I will miss my blogging friends a lot, though.


I just don't know what to do.

I think that I'll sleep now...Thankfully the Ambien is starting to kick in.

Good night, my friends. Please pray for me. I am desperately trying to change my life and don't know where to start. I feel so ADD and overwhelmed when I think about all that I need to do and all that I need to face, and conquer once and for all.

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