Sunday, March 30, 2008

I am SOOOO Gullible

My mother told me something when I was ten years old. We were visiting her biological mother (long story of why I am calling her "biological") in Virginia. One day during the trip my Mom pointed out the car window and said, "Do you see those cows on that big hill?" I looked and said, "Yes". She then said, "How do those cows walk around that big hill when one set of their feet are longer than the ones on the other side?"

I had to sit and look and think about that. It was obvious that these cows wanted to get to the top of the hill and it didn't look very easy to do because of their obvious impediment of one half of their legs being longer than the other side. Momma then said that they must walk around and around the mountains in order to get to the top of the mountain and wasn't it just a shame that they couldn't just walk up or down the hill like everyone else.

I completely believed my parents for YEARS and thought that mountain cows and goats had smaller legs on one side of their bodies that they used to go around hills and mountains because they couldn't go up them.

When really, the cows and goats have fine standing bones to cavort around in and really I am the twerp with the misconception. My mother got such a laugh and thrill telling everyone how I believed those long years ago that I thought their legs were shorter and then everyone would call me "gullible", "naive", "green behind the ears", and any type of expression they could find.

On another note, I have been experiencing great difficulty sleeping lately once again. I just popped an Ambien to help me rest prior to laying down with my laptop to try and say .... something..... anything.

Writing with Ambien is quite difficult and at the same time quite nice because I don't have the normal fear of who will read what. I found out that one person found my blog that I never expected would (and you know who you are). It really freaks me out because this blog is a place I can say anything on my mind and feel the freedom while doing it. I don't feel as free anymore. I feel I have to censor certain things, which doesn't go along with the life and intent of this blog.

I don't feel as comfortable blogging because of it.

I have actually thought about deleting this blog and starting anew somewhere else where no one will know me. I will miss my blogging friends a lot, though.


I just don't know what to do.

I think that I'll sleep now...Thankfully the Ambien is starting to kick in.

Good night, my friends. Please pray for me. I am desperately trying to change my life and don't know where to start. I feel so ADD and overwhelmed when I think about all that I need to do and all that I need to face, and conquer once and for all.


Anonymous said...

My doctor has prescribed me Ambien also. When I take it, I'm completely knocked out. The house could come crashing down around me, and I'd never wake up.

Anonymous said...

Ambien's are the best prescription ever invented. Other than Xanax. First time reader, like your blog - can related to a lot. Will be back.

Anonymous said...

I can understand what you mean by being freaked out and stifled because someone who knows you in real life stumbled across your blog. I had that worry from the start, and have been using pseudonyms. "Finn" is not my real last name, and I've changed the first and/or last names of most of the people I mention. I use a spreadsheet to keep track of what "blog" name I'm using for each "real" person, and I think I've done OK so far.

At times, I feel a little dishonest about that - but I feel like I can be more honest about other things if I keep my identity a secret. I don't have to worry about my employer suing me, by friends kicking my ass, or my sister-in-law getting into my head and trying to turn me into a one of her puppets. It's liberating, and having read your post, I feel like it was the right choice.

If you end up feeling the need to go "undercover" as well, you'll probably lose your audience for a while. That's a drawback. I think that we'd find one another again in time, through your new comments under your pseudonym ... but then, that might allow certain other parties to connect the dots as well. It's a difficult choice, to be sure.

In other matters ...

You asked about my e-mail address in a comment on my blog. I mentioned I couldn't think of a way to get it to you privately, and didn't want to provide it publicly for fear of spam-bots (my main address is so junked up I can't find "real" messages among the junk mail). I'd like to keep in touch if you go to ground, and I think this may work:

I have a gmail account. I tried first-initial/last-name as the address, but that was already taken, so I had to use my middle initial in my address as well. My first and middle names are those of a famous "steel driving man" (google that phrase, and you'll find him). Yeah, the guy was black, but my dad was an immigrant and didn't know better. Maybe I'll blog about that sometime.

Anyway, I think that will get you there - leave a comment on my blog if you can't figure it out (or shoot me a note if you can).

Anonymous said...

Last year, I deleted my old blog when some people in the small Arizona town I was living in took offense at some of the (true) things I said about the place.

So I started a new blog and emailed my faithful readers the new link.

As far as I know, none of the small town readers have tracked me down.

Please email me your new blog link if you get one!

Anonymous said...

I thought the photos of the trucks were cool anyway!

I thought that was a funny and cute story about the cows and goats and such. It is just one of those adult/kid things. I guess I thought it sweet in a funny way.

And, well I guess we're all paranoid here. One of my friends knows about my vox blog, and I wish she didn't though it really hasn't mattered. Other than that, I've often thought about changing to a new blog and just informing my other blogger pals. But there are links I don't post and things that I don't say because if it were known who I am it might cause a few problems with people in our "circles". (How's that for ego?) ugh. That's in part why I was away from my blog for a while and why I hesitate to be so personal.

yak, yak, yak.

You're fine!

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about freaking out if someone reads your stuff. I would not like anyone I know to read my blog - not that there is anything there to shock or whatever - it is just my personal thing, which I choose to share with others.

Don't feel bad about the sheep/goat story. For years I thought that spaghetti grew on trees and macaroni was the seeds. My sister told me that and until I was about 11 I believed it. Even stood up in class in grade six and said it. I am sure that is why I insist on being truthful with my son. I hate teasing children unless it is of the very gentle kind of teasing.

Hope you are feeling a bit better.

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