Saturday, December 1, 2007

The Blanket Has Lifted

It's a Saturday night and I'm laying in bed with a nice cup of hot Yorkshire tea with a little milk and sugar stirred in and eating a small cookie (or biscuit as they say in the UK) from France. While doing this I smell the aroma of a new perfume I received from my husband's brother wafting through the air. The perfume is from Paris and is aptly named "Paris" from Yves Saint Laurent. It smells completely divine. I love perfume so very much and was happy when opening my present. My husband's brother visited Morocco while my husband was there and gave him a few goodies to bring back to the States for my daughter and me.

After recently going through such a difficult time, you have no idea how tranquil, happy, and grateful that I feel. The blanket of depression has lifted completely today and it's no longer foggy. I feel lighter and more able to breathe. I am no longer swimming underwater. I've been getting better slowly and surely, but today is the first day in almost a month that I feel like myself again. I even put on makeup and did my hair. Before it was a complete chore to brush my teeth! I am so damn grateful.

I've worked the past four days almost 12 hours a day. Today I worked as well. I got through it, thank God.

Tonight I am able to catch up with my favorite blogs and for that I am thankful as well.

Tomorrow will be quite busy. I have to work on the final draft of my paper and hope to have it finished by tomorrow. The deadline was supposed to be tomorrow night at midnight, but was extended to Wednesday at midnight. I plan to get up in the morning and work on it. Afterwards we will be putting up and decorating the Christmas tree together. I plan to play Christmas songs and sip eggnog with my family while getting the tree ready. You have no idea how happy I am about this. Last Christmas was terrible. We didn't even put the tree up for the first time ever. I don't plan to make the same mistake again.

Last year our money situation was dire. We didn't buy any Christmas gifts for the first time. I was terribly depressed about it and cussed myself out every day. I was so depressed I didn't even want to put the tree up because it would remind me of our shortcomings and mess. I realized afterwards how terrible it was to do that. It completely showed how I was all caught up with the mass media idea of Christmas. I forgot about the spirit of Christmas and how the most important gift we had was each other.

This year we can barely afford anything and that is OK. I have set aside some money for my daughter and will really enjoy buying her presents. I will take special care in wrapping them and placing them under the tree. Why would I do that? Because I am so very thankful that I am able to get her something for Christmas. I am so very thankful to be able to watch the smile on her face as she opens her gifts. I am so very thankful that she is my daughter. I am so very blessed. I love her so much.

There is something I realized while writing this post and am about to cry. My daughter will be 15 in January. I have very few years left to enjoy her living with us. I cannot imagine my life without her.

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