Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Rollercoaster of My Existence

This morning I woke up and felt better than I have in weeks. I finally got some sleep last night when getting home after having my hair colored (I also added a few highlights as well and it looks great). This morning I popped out of bed, had a shower, got ready, even put on eye shadow (during my bad days I only wear eyeliner and a little mascara), sprayed one of my favorite perfumes, visited the kitchen and made breakfast and lunch to take to work and here I am. I felt very happy while scurrying around the house with my soul feeling more light and free. While driving into work I realized how good I felt compared to the last few weeks and though I am grateful for feeling better, I also realize how up and down I have been for the last three years of my life. Thinking about it can make me feel crazier, if that's possible.

I called my Mom and told her that I feel much better and also commented on how tired I am of riding this rollercoaster. I can feel down for weeks and then feel much better, get excited about it only to crash again. Since I started adding Prozac to my daily RX regimen, I am curious if it's the Prozac helping me to feel better, or do I feel better on my own, or what. I finally decided to not question why and just enjoy how I feel. In order to do this I need to accept the rollercoaster of my existence. That is difficult to do.

Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Do I dare hope to be cured of depression? Will there be a day when the depression is manageable once again? Will this rollercoaster ride ever end?


Karen ^..^ said...

I am so glad you are feeling better!! Where I don't know if a person can ever be cured of depression, it can be managed to where you have a normal life.

It is just about two weeks since you've been taking the Prozac, hasn't it? Which is about the time it starts to kick in... It could be a combination of both. Maybe the Prozac will keep you from having extreme highs and lows.

I hope this is the start of something great for you. The relief in this post is palpable, and I'm so glad and relieved for you.

Wandering Coyote said...

This is so nice to hear! It seems to me that your self-care is getting you through and making the difference - perhaps? And sleep is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? YES!

Cure for depression? Hard to say.

Will there be a day when the depression is manageable? HELL, YEAH!

Will this rollercoaster ride ever end? Possibly.

Anonymous said...

It's great to hear that you are feeling well! It could be the prozac, but like you said it doesn't really matter. I'm sure it will continue - all the way to the end of the tunnel.

Queenneenee said...

wow, that's great news. I'm happy to hear you're feeling better today. Just like others said, I don't think there is a cure, but you can certainly manage it with the PROPER medication. It sounds like you may have found it. If not keep looking. Its well worth it to find what works for you. We are all pulling for you.

Immi said...

How odd. I felt better today than I have in what feels like ages too. I'm afraid that when the roller coaster ride ends I'll find myself in an empty theme park in the dark. So let's take the ups while they last!

Fiat Lex said...

Dunno if this is helpful advice, but it did me some good when somebody told it to me years ago, and I thought I'd pass it along.

You can think of the emotional rollercoaster as being like a sine wave, or like radio waves. When it moves too fast, the peaks and troughs are both extreme, and riding it out can be exhausting. You know you're getting more of a handle on things if it slows down to a more livable pace.

Instead of soaring elation followed by a depressive crash, the goal is to get to a point where you rise and fall gradually. Then the "on the way up" times can be times of inspiration and brainstorming. And the "on the way down" times can be times of reflection, recharging, and doing everything you can to hold fast to the course, knowing that the down times can only last for so long.

Unknown said...

Yeay... I was going to say that I am 'glad' that you are feeling happer..but 'glad' suddenly seems like such a stupid and ineffective word!
So, take 'glad', multiply it by a number of your choosing (I always find 90 million is a nice round figure).
That's how happy I am that you are feeling better!!
Loads of Love

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