Thursday, July 8, 2010


I miss my daughter a lot. Last night I cried myself to sleep. This morning I woke up and am at work and have almost cried several times already and it's only 8:00am.

I saw her yesterday afternoon after work. It was good to see her and we laughed a lot together. When I was driving her back to her Dad's house for some reason I got confused on which side of the fork in the road I should take. I took the wrong one asking her if it was the correct way and she said it was. After a bit I realized that it was the wrong way and asked if she realized it and she said that she did. I asked why in the world did she say to go that way and she said, "Well, Mom, I'm spending time with you and I don't want it to end". I so badly wanted to say, "Well you are the one that moved out, not me" but I didn't.

It was obvious that she was excited to be together. I heard about all of the things she is doing at her Dad's house and have quit asking myself why she left. I now ask myself why would she have stayed? She gets to do practically everything she wants to do no matter what. If I was 17 years old I would want to live there as well.

It hurts so much. I badly want to blog about what happened the days leading up to her moving out, but I can't just yet. It's just so very upsetting to talk about it all. I still can't believe how she left. That is what I'm more in shock about versus that she is actually gone.

It is nice to see my daughter and yet at the same time when I take her back to her father's house and drive away I just start crying and can't stop.

I'm currently taking a finance class where I learned that net present value (or NPV) equals benefits minus the cost. You want an NPV of at least 1.0 or more. In this situation I believe my NPV is -10. If it were a business it would be a bad decision to see her. It's not a business decision though and the pain continues. I wonder if it will ever get to at least a 1.0. I deserve for it to be at least a 1.0 or more.

I am devastated.


Karen ^..^ said...

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately too. Why WOULD my daughter's want to stay with me? I can see that in a monetary sense, they really had nothing with me. All the love in the world that I felt for them was meaningless.

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