Monday, March 7, 2011

Back in the Cuckoo's Nest

I'm back in the hospital on an outpatient basis. I've been there for two weeks and three weeks prior to that was in bed either asleep or when awake planning how I would die. I go Mondays to Fridays from 8:30am to 3:00pm and am finally starting to climb back out of the hole. I meet with a psychiatrist three times a week, have group sessions every day, meet with a nutritionist once a week, have had a lot of blood work done and meet with an individual counselor once to twice a week. Group sessions consist of a lot of classes to teach you skills on how to regulate emotions, be more educated about your diagnosis and how to process your life effectively.

In the past I've been to counselors once a week for an hour at a time. Doing what I'm doing now is like having eight therapy sessions in one day, so it's been some major power counseling. It was either that or end the pain and I decided that this would be my last thing to try and if it didn't work that was it.

I stopped taking meds about three months ago. I am now back on them again and am afraid that I will be on meds for life. My psychiatrist has been trying different combinations to help things out and finally I'm starting to see that the sun does shine sometimes.

I've had to take FMLA (medical leave of absence) from work and yes I'm stressing financially, but hasn't that been the cycle and I'm ready to break it. I was hospitalized five years ago at the same cuckoo's nest and I think I'm getting more out of it this time. I don't know if it's my age (I'll be 40 this year) or the program is better or I'm more receptive to it all or what, but I've been taking A LOT of notes, have received and scribbled on A LOT of handouts and I think when I get out of the hospital I'm going to start blogging again what I learned in the hospital to keep it fresh in my head.

I also want to change my blog a bit and will be thinking about this as well in the near future once I'm out for good.

I'm not sure if I previously stated that I finally graduated in December with my Bachelor's degree in Computer Information Systems. I did maintain the 4.0 GPA though I know it really doesn't matter because it's not like anyone will ever ask that question. It's just something I worked hard for and here is a place that I can talk about it.

I started the MBA program but have had to put it on hiatus at the moment but plan to start again as soon as I am discharged and am back at work.

Thank you all for the support and reading my crap. :) You mean more than you know.


L.J. Diva said...

I think at this stage, now that you're thinking of changing your blog, that you might want to read, or talk to your counsellors, about getting positive.

Negativity seems to have been weighing you down and maybe it's time to let all of that crap go and concentrate, not only on making you better, but getting positive on everything.

Stop writing negative posts, stop thinking negative things, just concentrate on the good and ignore the bad, or at least don't put too much thought into it.

It's time to get positive and change your life.

Chunks of Reality said...

You're right about that and that is what I plan to do. I've been learning in the hospital that it's not "bad" to have negative emotions. It's what you do with them that makes all the difference.

I plan after getting out to write more about what I've learned to reinforce in my mind what they taught me and I think it will help a lot.

Thanks for your post. :)

Unknown said...

Hi Chunks! I'm so glad I saw you on Facebook and re-connected here again (and newly there). Sounds like you've had some challenges.

I, too, agree with the Jewels. Making a little change to see anything in a better light can do wonders.

And I'd like to say that graduating with a 4.0 is no small task! CONGRATULATIONS! That is a big deal. You've earned it and I'm happy for you!

Look forward to keeping in touch more as you move forward in your life, one step at a time.


Chunks of Reality said...

Thanks so much. You've followed this blog for so long and I really appreciate it. :)

I just created a FB just for Chunks. I deactivated my own account a while back. I don't use it much just yet but probably will as time goes on.

I hope that you are doing well and your journey is blessed.


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Unknown said...

congratulations!!!! that is quite an achievement

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