Friday, October 19, 2007

Thank God the Blanket is Lifting

I'm feeling better today. The dark, heavy blanket of depression is lifting from my soul. I feel it physically. I don't know why it is lifting. I rejoice when it starts its ascent away from me.

When it descends or ascends I wrack my brain constantly on why. I try to figure out the trigger. I feel that I can prevent it from happening again if I know the trigger.

It is so strange because I can physically feel the depression before it takes its complete grip of me and when it is leaving me. I am so curious if others have experienced the same.

Thank God I am feeling better. In one sense I don't want to question why because I'm scared to tempt fate and bring it back again. However, I do question and no answer ensues.

Yesterday I worked 12.5 hours and today I plan to work 12. At least it didn't affect me financially this time. It's a lot of hard work catching up and I am completely tired of it all.


Anonymous said...

Oh, I remember that "black dog" following me around ALL THE TIME. Avoiding the grip is an lifelong thing. It does get better as you get older - in that you may feel more in control. My 30's were forgettable really. I was just joyless. Really when I look back - ugh. It is hard because you have external stuff happening which makes it all the more difficult to get on top of. It is a very physical experience and when I feel that creeping I just narrow down my life for the week it takes to heave off. Just ongoing really. Glad you feel a bit better though.

Anonymous said...

12 hours of work a day? That is quite a load. I hope the weekend will help cheer you up a bit.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it is a terrible thing, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Glad you're doing better. Enjoy your hard won peace.

Anonymous said...

I can totally feel the physical symptoms of depression. They are often as difficult to deal with as the emotional/mental least for me. This year has been especially nasty. I'm ready to feel the sun on my face again.

One question for you though - have you stayed consistent with meds? I mean, consistently on the same meds or do you find that you find a combo that works for you for a while then you have to make changes again? I thought I had finally found a combo that worked but...I'm gonna have to make a change again.

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