Monday, February 18, 2008

Could I Possibly Be Bipolar?

I haven't posted for awhile. Haven't had much time due to work, school, family obligations, etc. My husband's Mom (named "Fatima") flew in Saturday night from Morocco. I cleaned the entire house this weekend and cleaned out the room where she would be staying. I even cleaned out the closet and drawers and am so happy that I did. Doing that has been on my "To Do" list for quite some time and it's nice to check it off. I also washed my cat (she is washed about every six to nine months depending on how dirty she gets over time), washed HoneyBunny, did homework, washed clothes, etc. It was a busy weekend.

Fatima decided to stay at her daughter's house (the last two times she stayed at ours) this time; however, she'll be over soon, I'm sure. She plans to stay six months and usually floats back and forth between our house and her daughter's house the entire time. I absolutely love Fatima. She is an awesome lady and is so sweet and special. I just adore her. I can't wait for her to come over.

My moods have been sketchy lately. I've been taking my meds and don't know why my moods have been going up and down so much. I've cried on and off all weekend. You know, for quite a while I have wondered if I am bipolar. My biological father is bipolar, and it runs in our family. I have never experienced the mania and euphoria that I have heard others describe, but certain things make me wonder if I am. For instance, I go through moods of being OK and then going down, down. I have heard wild stories of others with bipolar and have watched my biological father act out while manic, and I've never done that, but I can get in these moods where I can't sleep for days. Getting to sleep and waking up has always been a problem for me. It takes an hour or more to fall asleep and when I finally sleep it takes elephants walking through the room to wake me up.

I do go through phases where I clean like crazy. I remember always being this way. Even in my 20's I would go through times that I cleaned my house at 2:00am until the next day. Is that normal? Doesn't sound like it.

I talked with the director of the hospital I went to two years ago and she said that it is possible to have bipolar II. I researched it and found the following definition: "Individuals have at least one depressive episode and at least one hypo manic episode, but never experience a full manic or mixed mood episode. Bipolar II can go unrecognized because the hypo manic symptoms may not appear that unusual."

She asked that I chart my moods throughout the day for a month and get back with her. I need to do that.
Maybe I'm not bipolar. I don't want to be bipolar...I can hardly tell people that I have depression (and I never tell people that I have PTSD). It's just a thought I'm entertaining because really, I'm just tired of these mood swings and want to figure out what's going on. If I can figure it out I hope to either beat it or at least accept it.

Other than that, everything is fine. Things are just busy lately and I look forward to a break. I've been thinking about going away for one Saturday. I can drive two hours and be at the beach. It would be nice to take my dog HoneyBunny there and walk around. We shall see.


Anonymous said...

Bipolar is manageable through meds and therapy if that is what it is. If I was in your position I would get every physical test done to rule out different problems such as thyroid, anemia and what have you. What you are describing could also be Borderline but only a doctor who can take the whole picture in can make the determination of which disorder if any should be looked at. If you are having doubts just call your doc and get a full evaluation done or it is just going to lead to increased anxiety and stress, anyway that is how I see it.

Anonymous said...

Charting is a great thing to do. If BPII is dx Lamictal is good for that, because it addresses mood stabilization and depression [for some people].
Good luck, I've been there with the 2am house cleanings, which haven't happened lately according to my house's appearance.

Anonymous said...

hello there...i am new to your blog. i am a fellow depressive and i too may be on the fringes of being bi-polar. i like your site and i will definitely visit again.

Anonymous said...

Don't take every little energy boost or good mood as a bad thing. A lot of women get a little nesting instinct to clean around different times of the month. And an upswing in mood is to be celebrated not diagnosed. There is way too much diagnosing these days.
If you haven't spent $$ beyond your means, been hypersexual, had racing thoughts you couldn't quiet for the life of you, or had reckless behavior - then you probably aren't bipolar.
Why take medicine when you can control these moods through other means like meditation, prayer, relaxation techniques? I so believe in giving God power over our lives and letting Him be my strength, my peace, my power. Medicines have side effects that you wouldn't believe. I was diagnosed w/bipolar and the medcines made me a zombie. I am now going off of them because I think I was falsely dignosed. They based their diagnosis on the fact that my sister was bipolar and I have since found out she is not - never was.
I am nearly completely medication free and no symtoms. It's not for everyone - some people really are bipolar - some really do need meds. I mean no slam against anyone who does, maybe I even needed them in the beginning. But I am symptom free now, Praise God!

Anonymous said...

It's cool that you got to do lots of stuff.

Anyway, I don't think you're bipolar. I think your manic episodes would have to be a lot more manic that they seem to be now.

Hope you find out for sure though!

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