Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sabotage No More

I have sabotaged myself long enough. Today was a much better day because I actually got off my fat behind and got busy. For starters I actually exercised by taking HoneyBunny for a walk. She and I were both out of breath by the time we got home, but we did it and HB was SOOOOO happy about it. She loves walking. I wish I did. I hated every step I took but just put one foot in front of the other and kept going. I cannot believe that years ago I was a cross-country runner and actually ran 10 miles a day. Right now I can't walk even a mile without thinking I'm going to die. I had great legs back then. In fact, I remember I could eat anything in the world and not gain an ounce. Right now I think about food while walking and gain weight. Hopefully, the tide will turn soon.

I picked up my daughter from practicing for a Christmas play at a local church. I then went shopping for HB and got her a little harness. With the way she walks so excitedly with the leash, she jerks her head forward a lot and chokes herself and hacks and coughs. The dog harness is much better and she didn't gag once. It even felt like there was more control while walking her because her jerking her head forward didn't affect me at all while using the harness.

I've been working on homework today and though I'm still behind I feel better about it because at least some tasks are being accomplished.

I took a shower after the walk and dried my hair and am now eating a nice salad. I love fruits and vegetables and am currently eating a mixture of carrots, green peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, chickpeas, olives, almonds, a little feta cheese and a boiled egg. I don't use salad dressing because it's not needed. I like the taste just the way it is.

Today I was thinking about how difficult it is at times to get going on tasks that need to be completed because it seems so overwhelming, but once you do get started it gets easier and I've even experienced periods of relief today. When I don't get done what I need to I just feel so horribly lazy and that always makes me feel worse and has the opposite affect on me wanting to get stuff done. Nike has a good slogan..."Just do it". I need to remember that and not get so caught up on the negatives. Sometimes I try so hard to be perfect that if I can't finish a task perfectly I don't want to even start and then I get behind and then I feel bad and then I feel overwhelmed and then I feel depressed and anxious and then it's even more difficult to JUST DO IT.

So, I'm doing it today. I am going to continue. The sabotaging has to stop. It's so ridiculous when I think about it.


Laura said...

It sounds like you had a very positive day. Good for you!

Chunks of Reality said...

Thank you, AD! Actually, I just finished my homework tonight and though I'm still behind in my programming class I feel really good about what I accomplished today.

Thanks so feels great! Finally!! :)

linda said...

When I exercise I often have that five minute struggle of "will I go or won't I". I just do it because I know that within ten minutes I am in the groove and loving it.

If you did running before - trust me, you can do it again. I NEVER used to exercise apart from few bouts of short lived efforts (gym memberships that never got used after three months etc). Now I am fitter than I ever could have imagined.

Good on you.

Unknown said...

Good for you! :^D You and Hunny Bunny will be walking miles in no time!

I've always had a love hate relationship with food, an a absolute loathing for exercise, and fluctuating weight. Over the last month I've changed my diet dramatically by cutting out all processed foods. I simply cannot believe how much more I eat now but the weight is falling off me.

I think it all really does boil down to changing one's lifestyle. Breaking bad habits...oh my!..that isn't always easy! But you're doing well, hun :^) Sometimes that first step is the hardest one, and you've taken that step now.


Agnes Mildew said...

And the exercise is supposed to alleviate depression, you know? I understand wholly how difficult it is to get going, but with your determination (you must be a tough character to go skydiving AND to stand up to your Navy Officer!), it'll get easier and easier, the more you habitualise it.

Take good care, and keep on fighting!

Chunks of Reality said...

Linda - You are my role model, then!! I start a women's boot camp in two weeks and I sure wish you could be there with me. It would be great fun with you!

Chunks of Reality said...

Thank you as always, Zathyn. When you say that you are cutting out the processed foods, does that mean you are eating all raw foods and not cooking or eating raw foods and cooking them as well?

I ask because recently I have been very interested in the "Raw Diet". I love fresh fruits and veggies (not a big meat eater) and have been thinking about trying that.

Chunks of Reality said...

Annie - Yes, I have heard that exercise alleviates depression. The question is if it's really true? Have you tried it and noticed that it helped?

I'll see what it's like after this boot camp I'm starting!

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