Thursday, December 11, 2008

Up All Night

It's 2:44am and I'm awake. From sleeping so much during this depressive episode (my lovely downward spiral), now I can't sleep even though my body is tired. It's more like my eyes and head are tired. Everything else is awake. I tossed and turned for a while until finally getting up because I couldn't stand it anymore and fired up the laptop. I'm behind in my schoolwork and next week is the last week (Thank God!) and I need to get things done, so I'm going to work on my C++ programming class work.

I've decided to stay up since I need to be getting ready for work in three hours and 45 minutes anyway. By doing this I'll make sure not to oversleep and will be dead tired tomorrow evening. Maybe I will be able to sleep well and then wake up early Friday morning and get my circadian rhythm going again in the right direction.

I made it into work today again at 11:30am. Yes, once again late, but I made it. The bad thing about getting there late is working late, but I'm not complaining. It was difficult to interact with everyone, but by tonight I was finally able to smile for the first time. Maybe I'm back in the upswing now. I certainly hope so.

Damn this depression.

On another note, I cannot begin to thank all of you for your support, advice and just plain listening (reading) to me. You have all helped so much more than you realize and I thank God for you all. When you post a comment here it e-mails me and I check it from time to time at work. Opening my e-mail and finding all of your comments have bolstered me through hurricane winds. Your comments have also given me much to think about and it's been very helpful.

I would also like to thank John D. at the Storied Mind. If you haven't ever visited his blog, please do so. I have been admiring the beauty of his blog for ages. Not only is it so very aesthetically pleasing to the eye with gorgeous colors, art, etc, the writing is extraordinary and has helped me a lot. He left a comment on my blog stating that he gave me an award called "The Lemonade Award" and here it is:

The rules of this award are as follows:
  • Put the logo on your blog or post.
  • Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
  • Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
  • Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
  • Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.
It will be difficult to pick only ten blogs that display great attitude/gratitude because there are so many inspirational blogs out there. The following blogs signify the ones that really kept me going during very dark times, who have made me smile or laugh like crazy when I never thought I could again and also from people who have supported me so very much that I will never be able to repay all the goodness they have put into my life. I would like to give this award to the following bloggers:

  • Linda - You are the first to comment in my blog and the first blogger I met. You have tirelessly supported me through thick and thin and have taught me quite a bit. If only I lived in Australia, I would take you out for coffees and appletinis. Your writing continues to amaze me and I have so much enjoyed watching how your writing continues to get better and better. It's always been so good I can't imagine it getting any better, but it does! Oh, and by the way, my favorite still is the story you wrote when you were a teen about the girl walking out of the surf onto the beach. I still laugh when I think about it now! I have a special gift that I'm sending to Australia very soon as soon as I get caught up with things and can get to the post office. You are a gem and I love ya!!
  • Daisy - You are such a very special girl who really has her head on right and I admire you so very much. If only I were like you when I was young and your age! Thank you for always e-mailing me to check in. You are a beauty.
  • John Finn -  I found you via BlogRush when I saw your blog name of "Curdled: A Life Gone Sour". The name MADE me click on the link and I have never been disappointed that I did. Your life is so interesting, so mysterious and keeps me coming back to learn more about you. Your writing is great, you have had me in stitches laughing at times and I've even gasped "Oh my GAWD!" at times when reading what drama is happening in your life. Your support is much appreciated and your friendship is treasured.
  • John D - Yes, I realize you gave me the award, but I didn't read any rule that says you can't re-gift it, so there you go! Your blog has been an inspiration to me and I thank you for all of your hard and serious work. Your writing is beautiful and I have always been excited to visit you and see what your next topic would be.
  • Brent Diggs - I don't know how many times I have been completely in the dumps and visited your blog and smiled for the first time in a week as the page opened. Your writing is great, you have a wonderful sense of humor and your imagination is spectacular. I have always loved how you have such a sense of family as well. Please tell Dr. Toboggans that I miss him DEARLY, that is if you've found him, yet. I have a feeling he lives with you and eats your Frosted Flakes at 3:00am while you're sleeping and also deletes all of your blog posts which is why you seem to not have written as much lately. :) One last thing, I think it was so wonderful that you have taken a break from blogging and are blogging on your own terms now. You are working on that balance in your life and it's something that I need to do more often. Thank you for everything, Brent. You make a big impact on people's lives and I'm sure you don't even realize it.
  • Soulful Sepulcher - You are THE WOMAN! The fearless Momma Bear breaking boundaries and fighting for your daughter to the end. Oprah Winfrey needs to recognize you on "The Best Mother Ever" show. You have fought so long and so hard and you keep ticking. Thank you so much for sharing your life in the blogosphere. The way you blog about pharmaceutical companies and the way you educate your readers is wonderful. Thank you for everything.
  • Crotchety Old Man -Old Man, you make me smile and that says a lot coming from a chronically depressed person. :) Thank you for your kind words and your support. You are so very much appreciated. I want to see a picture of your ramp painted red!!
  • Annie - You have been through so very much and you keep ticking as well. You are a superbly special soul and I hope one day you realize that because guess what? We certainly all see it. Thank you for sharing your life and really putting it out there. It takes a lot of courage and I admire you a lot.
  • Immi -  Thank you so much for your support and concern. Thank you as well for educating your readers the way you do in your blog. Awareness is so highly important and you are doing everyone so much good just by being you. Thank you.
  • Seaneen - I've just been getting to know you and I love you! You are such an inspiration to me. Keep doing what you're doing. You are very courageous as well and you are helping loads of people with your blog. I look forward to continuing to get to know you as I visit your blog more in the future.
If you haven't visited these bloggers, please do. You'll be glad that you did.


linda said...

Thank you dear Catherine. Such a pity you live soooo far away because trust me, I would love for you and I to visit each other.

Love Linda xx

Border Life said...

Ah, you and me both. Tired and wired.

Chunks of Reality said...

Linda - You are such a dear and always make me smile. *hugs*

Border - I hope you get some rest tonight!! :)

Agnes Mildew said...

Catherine, thank you so very much! How kind of you to mention the blog and with such great words.

I hope that your assignment goes through OK and that your sleeping patterns start to settle down soon.

A xx

Chunks of Reality said...

Thank you, Annie! I hope so as well.

And everything I said is the truth. :) *hugs*

Daisy said...

this is sweet! :D thanks so much!


haha, I will post it on my blog soon. have to think about who to give it to though... I may *ahem* re-give it lol.

I do hope we get to meet in person one day. XD


soulful sepulcher said...

Oh my gosh! thank you, for such kind words, and this award, it means a lot to me, and you are always so encouraging to me.(((HUGS)))))

Karen ^..^ said...

I really don't know what I'd do without my blogger buddies. In this fast paced life there are many people who are not what they seem. Getting with a group of folks online who pour thier very hearts out, and support each other is the most valuable things I've found in years. So I thank you too, Catherine. You are among the group I go to. The newest, but not the least. This was a very sweet post, and with all you are going through, it is very telling of the sort of character you are to take time out of that trouble and commend others. Good for you!

Brent Diggs said...

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your encouragement and enthusiasm. I am glad to help you smile but hopefully you won't have to wait for me to post to put yours on.

Doctor Toboggans doesn't deserve a fan like you.

Wandering Coyote said...

There is nothing worse than tossing and turning in bed for hours and hours, so getting up and being productive was a good call, I think.

Bon Don said...

You sound like you might be feeling a tad bit better! I'm glad you're going to work and school.

Congrats on your award :)

Da Old Man said...

Thank you so much. Your posts so resonate with me, I'm glad to have "met" you.

Immi said...

Thank you so much. Loopy from painkillers and still in pain, the smile was extra good.

Van said...

Question time!

At times sleep is my only escape (or so it seems), however, there are times when the depression simply does not allow me to sleep. I can be physically on empty but my mind just doesn't shut off... then I end up with all of 2 hours of sleep for weeks on end.

Do you find this happens to you as well? (or some variety of that).

Glad to see you are doing better!

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to stop by and show you some love. I know you are going through a very tough time, but YOU CAN and WILL work through it. I know underneath that sadness is a great an amazing person. You just need to find out where she is. I will be praying for you.

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