Friday, September 25, 2009

Horny as Hell

I go from being completely depressed to completely horny. I haven't had sex in over four months now!
I am sitting here at work and can hardly stay sitting in my chair because I want to fuck so badly. I apologize for being so rude, it's just that "fuck" is the most applicable word. I don't want to "make love" or even "have sex". It's such a primal urge that I'm feeling and it's terrible!!
My husband now says that he wants to have sex, but I don't want to. I think that is a pretty safe thing for him to say now since I don't want to with him. Who would want to have sex with someone who considers you fat, obese and horrible? Well, he never said "horrible" or "fat", but he DID say "obese" and that it "changes the sexual experience".
That's a real turn-on.
That really puts me in the mood.
I can imagine the whole time we're doing it I'll be thinking terrible things about myself in my mind and imagining what he's thinking the entire time.
It is torture to think about.
So, I don't want sex with him.
But I do want sex....NOW.
I am really angry with him. Very angry. I don't think I've said that before. It's gotten to the point that when he talks I think the word, "asshole" in my mind. It's just second nature now.
We really need to go to a counselor, but we haven't yet because I've been taking my daughter to counseling and it cost $45 a pop and she's going once a week for right now. After her appointments lessen in number over time, we'll start going.
If we're still together by then....UGH.

4 comments:

Karen ^..^ said...

It seems he has trumped you in every way he could possibly think of.

First it was he, who selfishly (and I think, unkindly) made his feelings known. Try to think of it this way... You were finally starting to get on track. You were finally starting to have something of your own, a new job, something to be proud of, your thoughts of self harm were not so loud, and he knocked it all down with one conversation. Is it possible that he never REALLY felt that way at all, that he was just being a shit head for the sake of being a shithead???

Because if that is the case, then don't take it personally. It is his problem, not yours. The only things that are your problem, are YOUR thoughts and YOUR reactions. Not his thoughts. Stop listening to his blasted negative stories.

I'd kick his ass out. He's cruel, unkind, and boorish. Naturally he wants sex. He doesn't deserve it. Not after the breach of trust he committed. He hurt you. You feel resentful. How could you ever muster up feelings of intimacy for such a person?

I know exactly how you feel.

In keeping with the general feel of this post I could say this:

You COULD just "grudge fuck" him. Get YOUR satisfaction then roll over before he's done and tell him you're tired, that he'll have to finish himself off. LOL. He'll have all kinds of nasty things to say, but not anything that is true or pertains to you as a person. It would all come from a feeling of sour grapes.

You might need a glass or two of wine first.

He's a dick. Give it to him like he's been giving it to you. Sorry, but times like these, a little revenge might be good for YOUR ego for a change. Why is his ego always the one being protected?

Oh, and tell him you stopped because you were tired of waiting for your orgasm, that you'd think he'd have learned by now how to satisfy you.

Then file for divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty. Lord knows you have grounds.

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Read a good Anais Nin book and use a vibrator.

Jewels Diva said...

Get a vibrator!!!!

Then get a divorce!!!!

presious said...

Rabbit,

I ran across your blog from another blog. You title made me curious.

I am really sorry to hear about your hubby. I've been there and done that. I am now divorced since 1996. He did not realize how good he had it until "I" divorced "him". He came back to me two years in a row.

Unfortunately, society makes being "thin" the way to be. No, I am by no means thin, but my divorce has totally effected me in such a way that I feel totally unattractive.

I say, hold your head up and be the best "you" that you can be. It doesn't matter what he or anyone else says.

Actually, it wasn't until I started blogging that I began to feel better about myself. So many of us are in the same boat, beating ourselves up or just being uuhappy.

Embrace yourself and love evey moment of it!

As for the counseling, $45 is really a good price. My counselor is $80 and she's on the supposed cheaper end!

 
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