Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Effin' Hell

Too much going on. I hate my laptop. It's so slow and I rarely get on it anymore. I need to start using it a lot more now because school has started back. I really need a new laptop. This one is quite old, no space left and as slow as frozen molasses. Since I can get on the internet with my cellphone I use it all of the time. All of my blogs are bookmarked on the phone and am keeping up that way, though the keyboard is horribly tiny and there are issues posting comments on other's blogs. I also use Facebook constantly, though I never thought I would. I now understand why it's called "Crackbook".

My new job is going well still. I love working there. I've had a few depressive episodes since the last one blogged about, but was able to go in and haven't missed any work since then. I am very thankful for this. I'm going to Georgia in two weeks for work and will be gone for three days. In May I'll be in Pennsylvania for work for four days. I can't wait. With the way things are going at the house, it will be nice to have a break.

I can't even blog about it much right now because there has been so much madness going on at home I feel as if I'm in a psycho ward from Hell. To make a very long story short, we recently found out that my 16 year old daughter snuck out at 2:00am a few weekends back to meet a boy while she was staying at her Dad's house. She went beyond kissing, though I don't think she had sex, but then again with all of the lies she has recently been caught in, I'm not so sure.

I am freaking out about it. This behavior is not normal for my daughter at all. My husband is absolutely freaking out about it. Let's not forget that he is from Morocco and with the way he grew up in his culture, and with the way his father was to live with, this incident has actually stirred up some childhood demons for my husband that he has never gotten over. This past Friday night I was driving him to two psychiatric hospitals and both couldn't take him because they didn't have time to evaluate him. We ended up driving back home and it's been Hell ever since. He has cried, screamed, raged, slept, and everything in between. He never cries, yet he's cried three times since Friday. He has said that he wants to kill himself, cut himself, leave, divorce, get the hell out of here, etc, etc.

My daughter is walking around with an attitude most of the time, yet other times she's sweet. I don't know who she is anymore. I do know that she is not just boy crazy, but obsessed and I don't know what I've done wrong as a parent for this and the other things we found out to happen.

I'll blog more about this later if I can. I need to write it out to perserve for memory's sake, but right now it's just too upsetting and is a problem too much in the forefront of my life that frankly, I'm tired of thinking about.

9 comments:

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Although sixteen seems young, I think it is normal for a girl of that age to be interested in boys. Even though you may not agree with it, you will have to accept it and work with her on this. You don't want her to become evasive, sneaky and then end up running off or getting pregnant.

Maybe time for a talk about contraception and all those important things. Boys can be so distracting in regards to school work - if you are open with her and give a little on this she might be less obtuse around the house.

Whether we like it or not teenagers are sexual beings so it is best to have your girl informed. Set some boundaries that all three of you agree on.

Don't feel you have done wrong as a parent. She seems normal to me. A bit rebellious, a bit into boys - yep, sounds pretty much the style of teenage gals. Give her some trust and guide her the best you can.

I am just dreading the teenage years looming up with my boy. Already he is mumbling, sleeping in and sitting on You Tube for ages every day.

Hormones! Gee, love 'em and hate'em.

Hope things improve at home.

lettersfromexile said...

I have to agree with Linda: it's not great, but it's not uncommon. I think her advice is very sound.

Good luck x

John Finn said...

Glad to see the post after a long quiet spell, even though the news seems a bit mixed.

HappyStill said...

Totally agree with Linda.. Hormones are a curse. I have an almost 17 year old girl and though she still talks to me (sometimes) I know that there are many things that I don't hear. She tells me some of the things that other girls her age are up to. I sit with a grimace that I like to imagine is a smile and try not to look shocked.
Believe me.. you are doing nothing wrong. When the hormones flood in, the sense floods out.
If my mum knew half of the things i was up to at 16 I would still be grounded now.
It is important to make sure your daughter knows she can still talk to you... whatever she has done or is doing. And remember the phrase 'this too shall pass' and it undoubtedly wil.

HappyStill said...

And I never said in my last comment.. I hope things improve for your husband too. He is obviously having a very difficult time too. Please remember that while you are supporting him, and talking to your daughter, you also have to look after yourself. Take help from wherever you can find it.
Loads of love and hugs
S

Anonymous Drifter said...

I'm sorry for all the chaos going on in your life right now. It's such a shame that your husband is having such a hard time with all this too. Please don't blame yourself for whatever your daughter happens to be doing. The teenage years can be tough. Go easy on yourself. (((Chunks))))

Indie's Momma said...

Reading this makes me dread the time when my soon-to-be-four-year-old daughter turns 16.

All I know for now is that we can never be "perfect" as parents in the same way that it is seldom our fault how our children turn out to be. But we can always be there for our children and make sure that they know it.=

I was rebellious as an adolescent and, looking back now, I think I would have given my parents less trouble if I had that knowledge. Good luck to us all...

Argentum Vulgaris said...

You can only raise your children as best you can, but the mistake that most parents make is not realising (or remembering from their own youth) that their children have their own path to make and follow. Having five daughters, 2 still to be teenagers I have tried to be supportive and offer guidance when ever I can, including when they have (or their hormones have) decided "now" is the time. I am sorry to hear your husband is having a hard time with this. Support your daughter, she needs you now more than ever.

I agree with Linda... & Happy Still, you would still be grounded... that's good.

AV

Annie T said...

Teenage hormones ought to be banned! I can only empathise with you, having two teenage daughters. One appears to be totally going off the rails and lives with her father who would rather spend time either at work or with his GF, and the other lives with me and is fast developing 'the attitude'.

Very little you can do about it, apart from keep your patience, try to reason with them calmly, give them some trust and meet them half-way.

Perhaps if you allowed your daughter to meet this boy she wouldn't feel the need to sneak out and then you would have the reassurance of knowing where she was. And have a chat to her about contraception. It'd be better for her to be safe than pregnant...

It must be very tough for you at the moment. And your husband needs help ASAP. I do hope he gets it soon and I hope you can get some peaceful respite from all of this.

Keep looking forward to your job - it'll help you stay sane.

 
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